No Light, No Light In Your Bright Blue Eyes (A Malec FanFiction)
by KnightofCamelot14
Summary: A/N: Set after CoLS. Three weeks have passed after Magnus and Alec have broken up and both of them are broken hearted to say the least. Alec is moping around the Institute like nobody's business when Jace finally gets fed up with his Parabatai's sadistic thoughts and drags him off to a party on a hotel rooftop. Will Malec get back together? Find out.
1. Prologue – Sleepwalker

**Prologue – Sleepwalker. **

_"I'll be out all day," Magnus said. "Come and get your things out of the apartment. Leave your key on the dining room table." His eyes searched Alec's face. "It's over I don't want to see you again, Alec. Or any of your friends. I'm tired of being their pet warlock."_ Alec woke with a start throwing himself bolt upright; the sheets to his bed at the Institute were tangled around his sweating figure. Three weeks had passed and he had not seen or heard from Magnus again, not since that day down in the abandoned train tunnels. As Magnus had requested he had taken all of his stuff from the apartment and left without another word being said or written for the warlock that had once been his boyfriend. And now he was back where he had started, living in the New York Institute with his family and friend, Clary, feeling more than just a little bit sorry for himself. Alec threw himself back so he was lying back down and stared at the ceiling of his familiar bedroom.

Nothing in the room had changed at all, it was still the same old room which he had, had since he and his parents left Idris with Hodge to live here. There was still the same desk over in the far corner of the room, his wardrobe filled with the clothes he had brought from Magnus's apartment, his bed, and the same old window giving him a view of the large city which had become more of a home for him than Idris had ever been, and most of that was thanks to Magnus. Alec's thoughts jolted to a halt as the familiar face of his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend, Alec reminded himself sternly – was pictured clearly in his mind. Alec shut his eyes, forming a barricade against the tears shining in his eyes. He turned to face his bedside table and stared at his mobile which was placed right at the edge of the table, the silver of the case glinted in the moonlight that shone through the gap in the middle of his curtains, showing a faint sliver of the full moon and city of New York. He reached across hesitantly and grabbed his mobile in his right hand, unlocking the main screen he stared at the picture at the front of the phone: it depicted him and Magnus stood with their arms wrapped around each other.

Tears pricked Alec's eyes and he clicked open his contacts list; down near the bottom of the list was Magnus's name. He opened the contact and pressed the call button. Placing the phone by his ear he listened to the dialling tone. After the seventh ring the phone was answered; a voice Alec didn't recognise spoke, "_You_ were told _not_ to call."

"Magnus, I know that, that is you. I just want to talk." Alec said, a sigh followed this and Alec frowned slightly.

"No Alec. Goodbye, and _do not call again_!" Magnus spoke and the line went dead, leaving Alec alone with his thoughts again. He stood up, untangling himself from his bed sheets, tears fell from his eyes as he blinked, trailing a slow lament down his cheeks. He opened the door to his bedroom and left, walking barefoot down the corridors, listening to his feet slapping against the floor – the same way they had when he had stayed in the apartment with Magnus. He took the left corner and headed down the corridor before sinking down to sit on a low windowsill, placing his head in his palms he closed his eyes.

"No fair! You didn't send me an invitation to this_ 'Depressed Loners Society'_! I thought we were Parabatai?" A voice said from the shadows under a doorway, without looking up Alec lowly toned, "Go away Jace."

"But I'm depressed and lonely too!" Jace protested, taking a seat beside Alec on the windowsill, pushing his blonde fringe back from his face. He was dressed in his blue pyjamas with a hole ripped in the right sleeve, and like Alec, was barefoot. He smiled, resting his head against Alec's shoulder, "What's wrong with wittle Awexander?"

"Shut. Up. Jace." Alec groaned glancing up abruptly; Jace's head almost fell off of Alec's shoulder. "I'm not depressed or lonely."

"Yeah. Sure looks that way, Alexy." Jace smirked, staring intently at his Parabatai. "Right. Jibber on like a duck with a bad throat." He said, grinning. Alec frowned, a smile making the corners of his lips twitch, "A duck with a bad throat?" He questioned.

"Yes. Although I hate ducks myself." Jace smiled, "And I'm the King of Jibberton!"

"Are you drunk?" Alec asked sincerely.

"Do you think I'd be sat here if I was? I'd get an amazing person – myself – to send me back in time to visit a brothel!" Jace laughed a loud infectious laugh which Alec could not help but join in with.

"So come on, tell me what's wrong." Jace asked, with a dramatic roll of his eyes, "If it has anything to do with the dinner that Isabelle made then I know what you're feeling." Alec chuckled, "No, it wasn't Isabelle's cooking."

"Oh," Jace said with mock sadness in his tone as his bottom lip pouted, "just me then, all alone."

"I'm not depressed Jace." Alec sighed, catching on to what Jace meant straight away.

"Yeah, and I'm the Prince of ducks." Jace joked sarcastically, "Tell me or so help me, I will tickle it out of you, and I'm brilliant at tickling!"

"Is that what Clary told you?" Alec sniggered as Jace coughed and choked, his face turning slightly pink. "What?" Jace asked, incredulously.

"I said, is that-?" Alec started.

"No not that!" Jace cried his face turning red now, "Did you just make a joke? Alexander Gideon Lightwood. _Lightwood_! Making jokes!"

"People change." Alec muttered.

"Perhaps. But I'm comedy king!" Jace muttered, resting his head back against Alec's shoulder and closing his eyes.

"_You_ are drunk!" Alec laughed, shaking his head lightly as he looked down at his Parabatai.

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too Al-." Jace muttered, before his speech got cut off by snores. Alec bit his lip to stifle the bubbling laughter that threatened to overwhelm him as he looked over at Jace, he shifted in his seat slightly reaching beside him and grabbing his mobile that he had unconsciously brought with him. He opened the camera and hurriedly snapped a photo of Jace to show to Isabelle later, before lifting his Parabatai up off the windowsill to carry him back to Jace's room. "By the angel, you're heavy!" Alec groaned as he headed down the corridor to Jace's room.


	2. Chapter Two – Breakeven

**Chapter Two – Breakeven.**

"Alec!" Isabelle said as she walked into the kitchen, "What are you doing?!" Alec didn't reply, his face was pressed against the marble and he was slouched in his stool, "Alec?" Isabelle asked cautiously as she stepped closer to him. Yawning, Jace followed behind her, he blinked several times before cursing loudly. "Jace!" Isabelle reprimanded him; Jace shot her a look and rushed over to Alec's side, muttering, "I shouldn't have left him! I shouldn't have fallen asleep!"

"What are you talking about?!" Isabelle demanded, "Tell me!"

"He was depressed, I found him in the corridor. By the Angel!" Jace yelled rushing round to stare at his Parabatai's closed eyelids.

"Oh for God's sake Jace! He wouldn't kill himself! Look at your flaming rune!" Isabelle yelled back, rolling her eyes. Jace moved the shoulder of his pyjamas back to look at the Parabatai rune on his left collarbone. "Oh!" He exclaimed, blinking, when he realised that the rune hadn't faded.

"Idiot!" Isabelle snarled, "And you call yourself Alec's Parabatai!"

"You thought the same thing as me!" Jace retorted, stepping closer to Isabelle.

"Ew! Your breath stinks! Have you been drinking?!" Isabelle moaned, taking a step away from Jace, banging the small of her back on another counter.

"Oh so what?!" Jace argued back.

"Oh stop arguing." Alec moaned, through a yawn as he sat up stretching, his tense muscles cracking from his awkward sleep across the kitchen counter. "You're giving me a headache!"

"So you are alive then?" Jace asked, clasping tightly onto his Parabatai's shoulder. Alec groaned, shrugging off Jace's hand as he clambered awkwardly to his feet, watching as Isabelle made herself a cup of tea. "If you're making drinks, I'll have one please." Alec said. Isabelle didn't reply, causing Alec to frown, normally she would have snapped something along the lines of: "Make your own." or "I'm not your servant!" Instead she just grabbed another cup from the sideboard and filled it with coffee.

She handed the cup silently to Alec, keeping her back turned away from him. Alec glanced at Jace who shrugged. Isabelle's shoulders shook. "Iz? Izzy? What's wrong?" Alec asked tentatively, stepping towards his sister.

"Don't. Nothing." Isabelle said restrained tears clear in her voice as she clasped her cup of tea in her hands. Alec yawned, "Okay. We'll talk later okay?" Isabelle nodded. Alec yawned again, "By the Angel I'm exhausted." He said, sipping from the warm coffee.

"I'm not surprised after you had your wicked way with me last night!" Jace smirked, causing both Alec and Isabelle to choke on a mouthful of their drinks in shock.

"_What_?!" Alec yelled, almost dropping his mug of coffee, Isabelle's eyes flickered from Jace to Alec, confusion and amusement on her face.

"Don't say you wouldn't want to." Jace said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, "I mean who wouldn't?"

"Self-obsessed, intoxicated Mundane." Alec muttered jovially.

"OFFENCE! You called me a Mundane! I. Am. _Not_. A. Mundane!" Jace yelled; pointing an accusatory finger at Alec, who just shrugged. Alec moved towards the kitchen, "If you don't mind I'm going for a shower. And Jace." He paused as Jace looked around, "Izzy was right." He laughed as Jace stuck his tongue out at him.

Jace stood watching Alec as the dark haired Shadowhunter left the room. "You really are stupid sometimes Jace." Isabelle laughed, clutching onto her cup of tea.

"I am not! I was… concerned." Jace countered, "Now if you'll excuse me I have a huge headache I would rather get rid of." And he too stormed from the room leaving Isabelle alone. He kicked the door to his room open; slammed it behind him, groaning when his head throbbed painfully. His insides were churning like a tumble dryer, seeing Alec as he had last night and again this morning was affecting him a lot more than Jace would have thought. He hated seeing Alec so depressed and upset, then the hope on his face when his phone rang only to be diminished minutes later. _**'Oh Alec. If only there was some way I could help you. My friend. My brother.' **_He thought, lying back on his bed; gripping his stele tightly in his left hand began to draw an _Iratze_ on his right forearm.

_**'That could have gone worse.'**_ Magnus thought to himself as stared at his phone, cautiously aware that Alec may call again._** 'No... It could have been better...' **_He added, _**'Nope. I'm not saying this right at all. I give up.'**_ He backed away from his phone, rubbing his eyes. He hadn't slept. Not since the conversation with Alec, he had tried not to let the pain show in his voice when he had answered the call; it had been so hard. Magnus scooped his cat up into his arms, burying his face into his cat's fur. "What will I do Chairman Meow? _What should I do?_" Chairman Meow, turning his face around to stare at his owner before meowing loudly. "You liked him didn't you?" Magnus asked, sitting down on the sofa with the cat on his lap. The cat rubbed his face against Magnus's face. Magnus sighed, "He was the only one to understand. After you, of course. But I can't go back." He set Chairman Meow down on the sofa again and left the room, he needed coffee and he was going to make it himself this time. No more summoning things, at least no more this morning.

Magnus clasped the warm cup in his hands, taking comfort from its warmth like he might have done if Al-. _**'You've got to stop acting like this! You are Magnus Bane, you throw parties, and you're loud and flamboyant. You've fallen in love with Shadowhunters before.' **_Magnus thought sitting down on the sofa again.

_**'But none of them were like Alec.' **_His conscience reckoned.

"Shut up!" Magnus snapped verbally to himself as his cat gave him a reproachful look. "You are going to go out, and find yourself somebody new. Somebody _trustworthy_!"

_**'Great, you're talking to yourself now! Way to head straight down the road to crazy town with a one way ticket. You need to get out of Brooklyn after tonight.' **_He thought, snapping his fingers he sent everything out of his apartment and began to prepare himself for his night out at the Pandemonium nightclub.

"Alec?" Isabelle called knocking on her brother's bedroom door. "Alec? Are you in there?" She knocked again; just as she was about to knock for a third time, the door swung open revealing Alec dressed in sweatpants but no shirt so far, his dark hair hung limply, dripping water into his blue eyes. "What is it?" He asked, looking over at Isabelle.

"You said to talk later. It's later. Can we talk?" Isabelle asked, looking up at her brother her eyes were glassy. Alec frowned slightly before nodding; stepping back so she could enter his room. Isabelle glanced around, Alec's room had changed quite considerably since he and Magnus had broken up. The photos of him and Magnus that had once been stuck on the walls had gone leaving empty blank spaces in their place. The photo that had been on Alec's bedside table had been removed leaving the one of the whole Lightwood family in its place. "I know what you're looking for." Alec muttered from behind her as he pulled on a tattered grey shirt. "You won't find them. I got rid of them." Isabelle nodded, turning to face her brother, "What do you want to talk about?" He asked.

"You won't find them. I got rid of them."

_**'Okay,' **_Alec thought, _**'that was a complete and utter lie.'**_ They were all hidden in the bottom of his wardrobe in a box. He couldn't bear to look at them up on the walls, so he had taken them down. Even looking at the box every time he went in his wardrobe was hard. Isabelle nodded turning to face him, she had let the matter drop for now, "What do you want to talk about?" Alec asked.

"How are you?" Isabelle asked as the two of them sat side by side on Alec's bed. "Fine, I guess." Alec muttered, staring down at his bare feet.

"Oh, come on Alec! You are _so not fine_! Just trust me; tell me." Isabelle countered, Alec shrugged.

"I don't know." He said, still refusing to look at her, "Some days I'm okay and others I feel like I've been smashed apart and glued back together incorrectly – with pieces missing." Isabelle nodded but didn't say anything. A silence fell between them, companionable.

"I know what you mean, Alec, really I do." Isabelle said finally, breaking the silence. "When Simon cheated on me with Maia."

"Don't remind me. I still need to hit him for that." Alec grumbled.

"No, you don't. Because we got through it and sorted out our problems. The same will happen for you and Magnus!"

"Then why do I feel like I'm falling to pieces?" Alec asked, looking at Isabelle finally.

"Because when hearts break, they don't break even."


	3. Chapter Three – How To Save A Life

**Chapter Three - How To Save A Life. **

Magnus rarely went to the Pandemonium nightclub; the last time he had been here was to meet Camille Belcourt, but that had been years ago. It wasn't because too many Mundanes attended there now – no, a small glamour and they wouldn't see what would hurt them – or the extremely loud music, it was the vast extent of the demonic population that had helped him make his mind up and _never_ go there again. But he was willing to break his lifelong vow and enter Pandemonium one last time before leaving New York. If Alec could enter here, then so could he. Taking a deep breath Magnus walked past the club Bouncer into the stifling nightclub, leaving behind the cool night air…

"He's not feeling too great, Jace! We should leave him here tonight and go to Pandemonium ourselves." Isabelle argued, "Besides you-know-who might be there!"

"You can say it. His name, I mean." Alec said, walking out of the kitchen with a mug of steaming coffee in his hand. "How are you feeling?" Jace asked, wrapping an arm around Alec's shoulders.

"Fine thanks. What are you after?" Alec asked in confusion.

"I'm only being nice." Jace answered as both he and Alec sat on the sofa.

"I would give you my allowance but I spent it last week, okay?" Alec joked.

"_Funny_." Jace said sarcastically. "Okay, _Gideon_. What do you want to do tonight?" He added calling Alec by his middle name as Jace knew he didn't like it much. Alec grimaced, "Well, you to move down a bit on the sofa would be a great start. I don't like you quite _that_ much." Jace stuck his tongue out at Alec, grabbing his Parabatai's cup of coffee and downing it in a few gulps. "Hey!" Alec yelled, "That was mine!"

"We're Parabatai remember? What's your's is also mine. It says it in the Oath." Jace retorted with a one shouldered shrug.

"It _so does not_ say that in the Oath." Alec argued.

"Details. Details." Jace shrugged, "So what shall we do tonight? Movies? Board games? What?"

"Jace! We were supposed to go to Pandemonium and check on the Demonic energy levels!" Isabelle protested from where she was stood in the doorway.

"Yeah, don't worry so much. It'll be fine." Jace countered.

"Jace." Alec said, "Go. I'll be fine, honestly."

"Swear it."

"I swear on the Angel I'll be fine!" Alec sighed, rolling his eyes.

Jace shrugged standing, "I'll be back as soon as possible. Five minutes."

"Sure Jace. Now go." Alec muttered and waited for the front door to slam shut; he stood, heading over to the curtains. He waited until Isabelle and Jace were out of sight before he ran to the armoury. He hurriedly threw on his Gear, before loading every available pocket and belt space with Seraph blades, Witchlight stones, Steles, throwing knives and katanas. _**'I'm only going to intervene if they need me.' **_Alec thought, scrawling Marks onto his shoulders, neck, forearms and wrists. Turning his Stele to his boots he hurriedly scrawled a Strength and Soundless rune by his ankles; hoping they would last the whole night left the Institute.

The streets were dark with shadows but that didn't necessarily mean they were quiet. Vehicles roared past on the roads and people were still walking the streets of New York. Although now that night had fallen they were walking heads-down in an attempted not to draw attention to themselves unlike that morning where people had been being loud and excitable, staring into shop windows and snapping photographs at the famous landmarks. Alec sighed, the night was cold and his Gear didn't feel like it was keeping him that warm._** 'In. See if Jace and Izzy need help. Then back home. Or fight.' **_He thought, speed walking across a road as the pedestrian sign flashed green. All too soon he was stood outside of Pandemonium._** 'Okay. Stick to the rules Alec.'**_ He stepped into the nightclub.

The place was already heaving with bodies, weaving their way through crowds to the bar or swarming onto the dance floor. Alec craned his neck but couldn't spot Jace or Izzy anywhere he was even tempted to remove his glamour runes but that would result in all kinds of trouble. He spotted a shimmer of gold near the bar. "Jace." He murmured heading over in that direction. It was Jace, it had to be. No one else had hair _that_ golden. He weaved through the crowd, losing sight of the flashes of gold for minutes at a time. As he pulled himself free from a large cluster of people he stumbled into the bar, his Gear wet with other people's sweat. All of sudden he wasn't so sure it was Jace he had seen as he stared over at the last person he had wanted to see…

Magnus caught sight of the two Shadowhunters – Isabelle and Jace – as they had entered Pandemonium. Standing for a split second, he instantly saw Alec was not with them and sank back into his stool at the bar. "I'll have another." He said to the bartender holding up his empty glass. The bartender took the glass and refilled it, handing it back to Magnus. He sighed, and ducked his head just to ensure that Jace and Isabelle wouldn't spot him. Turning his attention back to his drink he stared down into the glass's contents._** 'Just this one and I'll go home.' **_No one had caught his attention so far and there wasn't much point him staying any longer. A loud cry of surprise caught his attention; turning his head he spotted a familiar black haired Shadowhunter stumble into the bar. Alec. Alec's blue eyes seemed luminous in the flashing lights of Pandemonium and they were fixed directly on him. Magnus stood beginning to make his way over to Alec, but Alec turned round and ran straight to the doors and into the night. Magnus followed him.

"Alec! Alexander!" Magnus yelled the moment he got outside. He headed round the corner of the street to find Alec slumped up against the brick wall, his head tilted up to the starry night sky, his eyes glassy. _**'I did this to him.' **_Magnus thought sitting down beside Alec. "Don't." His voice muttered beside him. "Don't. Sit near me. Don't. Speak. To. Me."

Magnus stood back up in front of the dark haired Shadowhunter. "Well what else do you want me to do?" Magnus asked, "Beg in front of you?"

"Nothing." Alec muttered, a tear trailing down his cheek as he stood up facing Magnus, "Just leave me alone."

"While you are like this?! No chance!"

"You don't get it do you?!" Alec yelled, placing his back to Magnus. "Of course not! You're drunk! You're not even going to remember this tomorrow! So it's probably best if you went home and left me alone. You don't understand." Magnus walked around Alec to look at him, Alec was looking a couple of inches left of Magnus's face. "You think I don't. I do. But educate me."

"Okay!_ 'I'll be out all day, come and get your things out of the apartment. Leave your key on the dining room table. It's over I don't want to see you again, Alec. Or any of your friends. I'm tired of being their pet warlock.' _Sound familiar?!" Alec shouted, more tears joining the one that was already frozen on his cheeks. Magnus flinched. "I guess it wouldn't help if I said sorry?"

"No. No it wouldn't."

"Alec I really _am_ sorry." Magnus said.

"No. No. Don't." Alec said, "I have to go." He took off at a sprint and this time Magnus didn't follow him.

"Where did I go wrong?" Magnus muttered to himself as he watched Alec's sprinting figure disappear before heading back inside Pandemonium he reclaimed his seat at the bar, ordered another drink and sat moping in the darkness, thinking about a Shadowhunter with black hair and blue eyes. _"Where did I go wrong?"_


	4. Chapter Four – High Hopes

**Chapter Four - High Hopes. **  
Magnus was still sat at the bar watching the girl with black hair and emerald eyes from across the room. She was beautiful but not fully his type. An image of Alec's heartbroken face flashed before his eyes and he shook his head. _**'This has to stop! You are over him!' **_Magnus thought.  
_**'Are you really over him?' **_His conscience questioned.  
_**'Not you again! Go away!' **_Magnus yelled internally._** 'Why must you annoy me at these times?!'  
'Because you are making a huge mistake!' **_  
_**'I am NOT!'**_ Magnus argued, _**'I know what I'm doing!' **_He stood; walking over to her, tearing off the faint glamour spell he was wearing but leaving it so that it disguised his eyes. He didn't have to bother with them around the bartender seeing as he was a Downworlder himself. She caught his gaze as he headed in her direction; she hurriedly looked away her cheeks tinged with a pink blush. "I'm sorry; I don't think we've met." Magnus said as he stood in front of her, ignoring the guilt that rose inside of him for even talking to her. She looked at him again. "No. We haven't. Can I help you in some way?" Her accent was unmistakably Welsh.  
"I didn't think I'd met you before. I wouldn't forget a pretty face like that." He replied and grinned as she flushed scarlet. Her friends that were surrounding her giggled slightly, nudging each other and whispering.

"Well… I erm… just moved here a few days ago from Wales." She whispered, staring at her shoes. Her face still bright red. Magnus nodded, "Well, then allow me to buy you a drink. As a sort of welcome to New York present then." He headed over to the bar and ordered a drink for himself and the girl, handing the first one to her. "Be careful Magnus." The bartender muttered; Magnus ignored him.  
"Thanks." She muttered, her friends were really giggling now.  
"Go for him Lau!" One of them called.  
"Shut up Cassidy!" She muttered, shooting Magnus an apologetic smile. He shrugged. "The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. So what is it?" She blushed a deeper shade of scarlet "Laura." She muttered, ducking behind her fringe again.  
"Well Laura. Maybe I could hang round with you tonight?"  
"S-Sure… erm… I didn't catch your name… sorry." Laura muttered, her timid voice barely audible over the loud music.  
"That's okay. My name is Magnus."

Kicking open the door to his bedroom, Alec threw himself down on his bed leaving his weapons belt on. He lay on his bed clutching tightly onto his pillow as tears streamed down his face. "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!" He screamed, his voice muffled slightly. "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!" The feeling of warmth trailing down his hand caught his attention and he pulled his hand away from his pillow to notice the shallow cut that must have happened while he was running home. He pulled the shinning blades out of his belt, spotting the one he had cut his hand on. Surprisingly he found he didn't care much. "You IDIOT!" He yelled at himself. _**'You should have stayed home!' **_His conscience retorted. He raised the knife so that the light shimmered on it showing the thin trail of blood showing on the silver, before throwing the weapons to the floor where they fell with a loud clatter. He pressed the fingers of his left hand tightly to the wound ignoring the pain he felt. It was nothing compared to the pain in his chest as he let the tears fall.

Jace cried out in pain causing Isabelle to whirl around to stare at him. He was clutching a hand to where his Parabatai rune was and holding his right hand in the air trying to spot what was causing the searing pain in his hand. "What is it?! What's wrong?!" Isabelle asked, concern clear in her voice.  
"Alec." Jace whispered, pulling his left hand away from his Parabatai rune. His fingers were stained with blood. He glanced up at Isabelle, his face pale and her eyes widened. "Oh. My. God." She whispered as she ran towards the doors grabbing Jace by his left wrist.**_'Oh my God! I should have stayed home! What's happened to my Parabatai?! My brother?! Alec. I'm coming, my brother! Please be okay. Please be okay.' _**Jace thought as they raced towards the Institute. His Parabatai rune still bled and his right hand throbbed with the pain his Parabatai was feeling. _**'I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed with him. He needed me.' **_He pulled his wrist from Isabelle's grasp racing along the street behind her as he ignored the pain from his rune. _**'Please let me be in time!' **_He ran towards the stairs outside the Institute almost falling to his knees as another sharp wave of pain shocked through his body.**_ 'Just let me be in time!'_**

_**'This is my fault! All my fault! I'm so stupid! We should have stayed home tonight like Jace said! There wasn't any bloody Demons anyway! I should have trusted Jace's judgement!' **_Isabelle thought as she attempted – for the third time – to place her keys into the lock on the door. Her hands were trembling and she kept dropping the keys. **_'I can't lose Alec. I can't lose him. My brother. I won't cope. First Max, and now Alec. I can't lose Alec, I can't.' _**She thought as she scooped the keys up from the stairs and finally slotted them into the lock. "Jace!" She yelled as she opened the door; he leapt to his feet. "Alec?! ALEC!" She screamed the moment the door swung shut behind Jace. "ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD! WHERE ARE YOU?!" She screamed again, tears were making her eyes sting and burn, she blinked them back furiously._** 'Now is not the time for crying!'**_ She thought.  
"He's this way!" Jace called, moving towards the staircase.  
"How do you know that?!" She demanded.  
"I can feel it. ALEC?!" Jace yelled. "ALEC?!" He began to race up the staircase leaving Isabelle no option but to follow him. "Alec. Please be okay." She muttered as she raced along the corridor that led to her brother's bedroom.

Magnus held back the curtains to the private booth he had once sat in with Camille years ago. He led Laura in by the hand, her friends followed but they didn't enter the booth, they stood outside as though waiting for someone. He sat there listening as Laura began to talk about how she had planned to come out here to New York to do some sightseeing and then return home to Wales in a year or two. She spoke little about her family or Wales and she hardly spoke of why she had chosen New York of all places. But Magnus just continued to listen to her, even when she began to talk about writing a book based on the supernatural. He barely paid her attention, he was still trying to contain the feeling of guilt he had inside him just because he was talking and casually flirting with her and he still couldn't shake the image of Alec's heartbroken, tearstained face.

Just then one of her friends poked their head into the booth, "Lau? Your_ friend _is here." She smiled at Magnus and backed back out of the booth.  
Laura blushed, "I'll be right back. You can stay here if you wish."  
"Sure." Magnus muttered. "I will wait here for your return." He sat staring at the opposite wall of the booth, barely aware of the company he had until somebody said his name, "Magnus, this isn't going to solve your problems. You of all people should know and understand that. Look what happened to me." William Herondale muttered from where he was sat opposite Magnus. He still looked like the same old Will. The same blue eyes and black hair. Like Alec. Magnus's heart gave a painful throb.  
"I know that, William. Of course I do." Magnus replied.  
"You also know who you truly love and it isn't that Mundane stood out there." Tessa sighed sympathetically, she was sat beside Will and Magnus was pretty certain they were holding hands.  
"I 'did' love him Tessa. Once before. But that's the past." Magnus sighed.  
"And you believe it to be truly over? You can really go and start again, without Alec?" Jem asked.  
"You wouldn't understand James. None of you truly would. He betrayed me." Magnus answered. "And I hurt him. Even worse than his betrayal, hurt me. I hurt him."  
"And I hurt Tessa," Will said, "But she forgave me. She understood my reasons for it. It will sort itself out in the end Magnus. You have to give fate a little push."

The curtains to the booth opened and the bartender walked in, glancing over at Magnus. "I told you to be careful. She's a right jailbait, that one." Magnus glanced over the bartender's shoulder: Will, Tessa and Jem were gone. The bartender grabbed the glasses again and left, Magnus followed behind him. It was time to go home, he replaced the glamour spell and left. On his way out he spotted Laura and her friends flirting again with another guy. _**'Jailbait.' **_Magnus thought and headed home. His apartment was only a few blocks away from Pandemonium but he cast a spell to transport himself home quickly. He was tired and needed sleep and a nice cuddle with his cat. The spell faded along with his glamour and he found himself stood in his living room, scooping Chairman Meow into his arms he sat down on the sofa. "You've met the ghosts of those who've come and gone tonight Magnus." He muttered to himself as he fell asleep with his cat perched on his lap.


	5. Chapter Five – Battle Scars

**Chapter Five - Battle Scars. **  
Alec muffled a cry of pain as a sharp shock shot through his injured hand. He knew Isabelle and Jace were home he could hear them calling. But what's was the point in being around them, they couldn't help him. They didn't even understand. He didn't even care about the pain from his hand or the fact that his hand was now red with blood – his blood – why should he care? "Alec?!" Jace yelled, it sounded like he was out in the corridor. "Alexander!" That was Isabelle. Alec could hear the sound of their footsteps outside in the corridor. It wouldn't be long before they checked his room. Tears still trailed down his cheeks and his chest ached with a dull pain. He hated it, hated that Magnus had done this to him, hated every moment of every day knowing that it had been his fault that Magnus had left.

The door to his room burst open and through his tears he could see Jace and Isabelle in the doorway, their faces mirroring fear. They both ran over to him, Isabelle sat on the left side of his bed while Jace sat on the right. He hadn't realised that he was still clutching at his bleeding hand until Isabelle said, in a choked voice, "Alec. A-Alec. Let go. Let go of your hand, let him heal you."  
He shook his head, "What's the point it'll keep happening?! I'm an idiot Isabelle. A complete IDIOT." He sobbed.  
"You. Are. Not. An. Idiot. Alec." Jace said, his left hand clutching his Stele so tightly his knuckles were white. The side of his Gear was coated with blood – his blood – from his Parabatai rune; his right hand was gently holding Alec's right wrist. "Let me heal the cut. You're only making it worse by holding it like that." Jace muttered.  
"Maybe I want it to be worse." Alec retorted.  
"You don't mean that Alec." Isabelle gasped suddenly, spotting the weapons on the floor. "Alec?" He shrugged. "Jace?" She turned to Jace but he was already knelt on the floor, holding the bloodstained knife. Jace glanced up at Alec, hurt and sorrow shinning in his golden eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have left you." He muttered moving back in an attempt to heal Alec's bleeding hand.  
"What did you do?" Isabelle asked, "Why would you do that?"  
"They're only battle scars." Alec muttered monotonously.

Jace stared at Alec in shock, his right hand was still holding the bloodstained knife; he let it drop to the floor with a clatter. "W-what?" His voice cracked with emotion.  
"They're only battle scars." Alec repeated in the same dull, drained tone as before.  
"Only battle scars?" Jace asked. Alec didn't reply. "I said: Only battle scars?" Jace repeated, reacting as though Alec had just not heard him.  
"You know what I said Jace. Battle scars." Alec muttered.  
_**'This has gone too far. Alec is getting hurt – well, more hurt than before – I can't let this continue.'**_ Jace thought, as he reached to heal Alec's hand but Alec pulled away from him. "Leave it. It's nothing."  
"To Hell, it's nothing. Alec, if I don't heal it. It will become infected, you'll get ill from it." Jace said, his voice barely over a whisper.  
"I don't care." Alec retorted, "Go away. I deserve this."  
"You didn't stay home did you?" Jace questioned, now he was feeling annoyed, _very_ annoyed at a certain Warlock. "You followed us."  
"Oh Alec, you didn't… you didn't s-see…" Isabelle gasped through her tears as she held onto her brother. He shrugged again. She held him tighter, like he was no more than a little baby. "Oh Alec. My brother. Alec, Alec, Alec." She crooned but to Alec it felt like it was more of a comfort to her than him. "Battle scars." Jace growled, "I'll give that good-for-nothing battle scars!" He hurriedly grabbed at Alec's hand scrawling a hurried Iratze smirking as Alec glared at him. "I told you to leave it!"  
"Like I was going to listen to you. You'll be grateful later," Jace said bending to grab the weapons off the floor, "Don't leave him alone Izzy."

"Where are you off to?" Isabelle asked, still clutching onto her brother, she looked over her shoulder at Jace. He paused, his hand on the door handle and the weapons in the other. "Just to put these away." He smiled grimly, raising the hand holding the weapons. "Look after him." He left the room shutting the door behind him. In truth he wasn't really going down the weapons room to put away the blades. They were going with him._** 'This really has to stop. And now.'**_ He thought running out of the Institute before Isabelle would come looking for him. The streets were empty so there wasn't much point for glamour runes now. Jace ducked his head, keeping as much to the shadows as possible as he made his way to visit Magnus. **_'People, who hurt my Parabatai, get hurt back.' _**He thought as he reached the door to Magnus's apartment, rather than knock he hurriedly pulling his Stele from his pocket, drawing a Open rune on the wood of Magnus's front door; putting every inch of effort into drawing the rune. When it was complete, Jace stepped back watching as the door handle spun, and the lock clicked back.

Chairman Meow hissed, digging his sharp claws straight into the skin of Magnus's arm. Magnus leapt awake with a yell of pain, "Ow! Chairman, what has gotten into you?" He asked, staring down at his cat whose fur was stood on end and he was glaring at the door. "Hello, golden Shadowhunter." Magnus said without turning, he had guessed something like this would happen. When Jace didn't answer he tilted his head back over the arm of the sofa to look at him. "What do you want?"  
"I just want to talk." Jace muttered, stepping further into Magnus's apartment.  
"And you need to be armed to do that?" Magnus questioned, a light pink tinged Jace's face. _**'Got you!'**_ Magnus thought. He stared at Jace for a moment, his eyes catching on the blood covering Jace's Gear and his hands.  
"It's not mine." Jace muttered, moving to stand in front of Magnus. A cold wave of panic spread through Magnus's veins. "Then who's..." The warlock said, attempting – but failing to sustain a cool, calm tone – Jace stared at him for a moment, his golden eyes narrowed. "Alec's." He whispered, his eyes glinting with unshed tears; reflecting deep sorrow for something. Magnus froze. _Alec's blood? But it couldn't be... could it?_ His whole world seemed to shatter upon impact. If that _was_ Alec's blood – and it was a _lot_ of blood – then why was Jace here and not with his Parabatai? "I just thought you'd want to know." Jace murmured, "That this is what you did to him. Do you want to know what he said?" Magnus shook his head but he was certain that Jace was going to tell him anyway.

"He said they were battle scars. He said that he deserved it. That it should be left to get worse. He. _HATES_. Himself. And it's all because of _you_." Jace said his tone dark with anger. "Battle scars, just battle scars. He said." Jace turned back to the door, "Don't come to the Institute. Don't send messages. Don't call. Don't do _anything_! Alec was always better off _without you_! And if you come near us – come anywhere near him – _ever again_. I will use these weapons on you without a moment's hesitation! You've hurt him for too long, Magnus, and I don't know if he can be fixed again. I didn't want him to become the way I had when I believed myself to be related to Clary; I _hated_ my existence and now he feels the same. Because of you. _I hope the wounds can be healed_." Jace slammed the door shut behind him, leaving Magnus alone to stare at the closed door. **_'Alec hates himself. His whole existence and it's your fault. They're just battle scars.'_** Jace's words echoed around in Magnus's head.  
**_'We're definitely at war with love. And these battle scars aren't going to fade ever. I just wish that I could stop loving you so much, Alec.'_**


	6. Chapter Six – Six Degrees Of Separation

**Chapter Six – Six** **Degrees Of Separation.**  
_**'**__**I've read all the books and I've watched all the shows to know how this ends. It's the heartbreak that people think will break them, but it's truly not.'**_ Isabelle thought; she hadn't left Alec's side since Jace had left. She didn't want to leave him alone _ever_ again. But at some point she would have to. She couldn't be around him 24/7. It would annoy him, she knew it. She watched as Alec slept, tossing and turning fitfully in his sleep. She had cleaned the blood off his hand and all that was left was a thin white line to show where the cut had been. By morning it would probably have vanished altogether. She had wondered before, what her brother had dreamt about – all those times when he had appeared in the mornings completely exhausted – now she didn't need to wonder. _She knew_. And it wasn't good that he was dreaming these things. Alec whimpered in his sleep and Isabelle held onto his hand. "It's okay Alec. You'll be okay." She whispered her eyes stinging with tears and she let a few slip down her cheeks. "It's all okay."  
"Don't leave." Alec murmured, his eyelids flickering in his sleep. "Please." Isabelle clutched tighter to his hand, he wasn't talking to her; she knew that but if only she could bring him some form of comfort.

The door creaked open slightly and Jace's head appeared around the corner, "How is he?" He asked. Isabelle shook her head. "I went for a walk, but I can't stay away for too long." Jace said.  
"He's not doing too great. He's sleeping now. But as you can see..." Isabelle gasped as Alec's hand tightened its' grip on her's. "Alec. I'm not leaving you. Never."  
"Neither will I." Jace whispered, "Never. Parabatai till the end." He shook his head, he hated every second of this. Seeing Alec like this hurt, more than anything he had ever experienced before. A small tear slipped out from under Alec's closed eyelid and Isabelle reached over to brush away lightly with her thumb. Jace sat on the floor beside Alec's bed, both he and Isabelle were listening to Alec's whimpers as he tossed and turned. "I hate that this happened to him!" Isabelle whispered violently, "Alec is suffering." Jace didn't answer, he continued to stare at his hands; they were still painted with blood. Suddenly Alec threw himself bolt upright, his dark fringe plastered to his forehead with sweat and his blue eyes were wide, darting around his room; his chest was heaving.

"Alec. Alec. You're okay. Lie back, lie back." Isabelle said, brushing her brother's fringe out of his eyes. "Lie down, Alec. You're okay."  
"I'm not. I saw him, Iz. I saw Magnus." Alec muttered. He glanced at the floor, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Why is Jace on the floor?" Jace clambered to his feet, his stomach churning with guilt as he looked at his Parabatai. **_'Alec hates himself and it's all because of you.' _**His conscience reminded him, **_'You said that.'_****_  
'_****_But it was true.' _**Jace reasoned. "So, you admit to following us to Pandemonium?"

Alec's face flushed pink. "Well, I had to make sure you and Iz were going to be okay without me. Lots of nasty beasties out there Jacey." Jace rolled his eyes with a sigh, Alec attempted a weak smile but it fell from his face instantly. "Try to get some sleep." Jace said, walking out of the room. Isabelle glanced from Alec to the shut door. "You want me to go talk to him?" She asked, looking at Alec. He nodded. She nodded back and left.

Magnus stared at his almost empty apartment. Nearly everything was packed up. He would have to leave some of it here of course. Chairman Meow yowled down at Magnus's feet, where he was stuck in a cat carrier basket, much to his distaste. "Sorry, Chairman. But we're leaving soon. You can't come out." The image of Jace's hands covered in Alec's blood forced itself to the front of his mind._** 'You're really going to leave him behind?'**_ His conscience questioned.  
"I have to leave. It's for Alec's own good. I've hurt him too badly to stay now. He'll be better off without me, anyway." Magnus said aloud, casting another look around his apartment. "There's no starting over from here. I've reached the sixth degree of separation too quickly, to even think of turning back." He said, as he grabbed the handle of the cat basket and used a quick transporting spell to send his items to his destination. "So long beloved Alec." He muttered, locking the door to his apartment behind him.

"Jace!" Isabelle called from behind him as she stepped out of Alec's bedroom, shutting the door behind her, "What has gotten into you?" He spun on his heel to face his adoptive sibling. "Nothing. I just don't like seeing Alec like this. So broken, so damaged. I should have protected him more than I have! This is my fault Isabelle!" Jace answered.  
"Jace. It is _not_ your fault. You can't go around blaming yourself for other people's mistakes. Alec and Magnus will have to sort it out themselves." Isabelle retorted.  
"No. I've messed _everything_ up! That's why it's my fault! I messed up! Big time!" Jace replied, staring at the floor as a tear slipped from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.  
Isabelle stepped towards him, wrapping him in a hug, "What happened?"

Jace had just finished retelling the whole story of what happened when he went to go and see Magnus. But he had been hoping that she'd yell at him and call him an idiot for the things he had said to Magnus, but he was sorely disappointed, "You were upset and angry and scared, Jace. And if Magnus has any sense in that whole glittery body of his, he'll see that. You didn't mean any of that." She said.  
"But the scary thing is I felt like I meant it. I felt like I wanted to follow through with what I said." Jace countered.  
"You didn't. You wouldn't do those things, I know, Alec knows and Magnus _should_ know that you didn't." Isabelle said, "If he doesn't, well, all that glitter has messed with his brains!"Jace laughed, but it came out sounding forced.  
"What do we tell Alec?" He asked.  
"Nothing." Isabelle said, "We tell him nothing. We just focus on getting him back on his own two feet again. And again and again, no matter how long it takes. We will help him, he's our brother and he'd do the same for us."  
"You're right about that." Jace muttered, "Anyway, you go to bed. I'm going to go and sit with Alec for a while."  
"Okay. Night Jace." Isabelle yawned, finally realising how exhausted she felt as she made her way to her room.  
"Night." Jace muttered, re-entering his Parabatai's bedroom.

*****

Jace woke to the warmth of the early morning sun shining on his face. He was still sat in Alec's room; he blinked, his eyes watering from the bright sun. He glanced at Alec's bed and saw it was empty._** 'Damn! I just had to fall asleep! Where's he gone?!' **_He cast his eyes around Alec's room before spotting the dark-haired Nephilim sat on the windowsill, the curtains open around him. "Alec? What are you doing?" Jace asked, yawning as he clambered awkwardly to his feet to move towards his Parabatai.  
"I'm just watching the past go up in smoke." Alec replied, not removing his eyes from whatever he was staring at outside his bedroom window.

*****

Magnus stood looking back at New York as the early morning sun began to rise in the sky. Chairman Meow was still pitifully yowling in the cage as Magnus began to open a Portal. He envisioned the house where he was destined to go and stepped through. His feet hit cobblestones and he heard two voices call his name from in front of him. "Magnus!" He looked up, it was Tessa. "What are you doing here?" She flew towards him, wrapping her arms around him in a quick hug. "I've come for a visit. Did you not get the fire message?"  
"Yes. We did." A hooded figure said, as he pulled back his hood on his Silent Brother robes.  
"Good morning James." Magnus said.  
"Welcome back to the past." Tessa joked. _**'I've let the past go up in smoke.' **_Magnus thought as he followed Tessa towards the house.


	7. Chapter Seven – Just A Dream

**Chapter Seven - Just A Dream.**  
Tessa led Magnus into the warming comfort of her home, Jem - who was right behind them - was walking with the usual uncanny soundlessness of all Silent Brothers. The inside of the house was rather large with an ornate coatrack stood in the hallway, coats already hung on the hooks. Doorways lined both sides of the hallways and Tessa led Magnus into an open one on the left, the windows were open and a cooling breeze was blowing through them. To one side a large fireplace sat still and empty and above that on the wall was a large painting of Tessa and Will with their children as Magnus stared at the painting, he realised how much Will looked like Alec.

A sharp pang of pain stabbed through his chest and he slumped down into the nearest leather chair to continue examining the room. Large bookshelves lined the walls but Magnus wasn't really paying much attention. _**'Will. Alec. Alec. Will.' **_Magnus thought, it wasn't the first time he'd noticed Alec's similarities to Will but it was the most painful. "Magnus? Are you feeling okay? You're awfully pale." Tessa asked moving quickly towards her dearest friend. He nodded weakly, "Exhaustion," He said, "From making Portals." From the look on both Tessa and Jem's face he could see that they weren't fooled but, fortunately, they didn't press him for further information. "Perhaps, I should show you to your room? Then if you feel up to it later you can join us for dinner later on?" Tessa asked. Magnus nodded, "I would be most grateful Tessa, thank you." She arched an eyebrow and smiled, "The stairs are just down the hallway. James, I will back to talk again with you in a moment." She smiled again and headed down the corridor, picking up the cat carrier, and leading Magnus up towards the first floor of the house. "James, it was good to see you again." Magnus smiled and hurriedly followed after Tessa.

Magnus was led up a winding staircase onto the first floor and shown to an open door on the right. The bedroom was about the same size as the living room downstairs, if a little bit smaller. He turned to smile at Tessa as he took the cat basket from her. "Thank you Tessa, this will be most comfortable." She nodded, glancing down at the yowling cat in the basket. "Would you like to meet him?" Magnus asked, she nodded again a smile playing on her lips as she reached behind her to shut the door; Magnus opened the basket. Chairman Meow shot out of the open basket and landed lightly on the floor his grey striped fur sticking up in spikes from his little tantrum. "Chairman Meow, Tessa. Tessa, Chairman Meow."  
"Pleased to meet you Chairman." Tessa smiled as she knelt down to stroke the tiny kitten. She watched as the cat sniffed her hand once before rubbing his face on her palm, Tessa smiled. "He's so adorable."  
Magnus nodded, "And he likes you. Which is good."  
"I'll come and wake you when dinner is ready." Tessa said, straightening and walking from the room. Magnus moved to lay on the bed; the minute his head hit the pillow he fell into a deep sleep:

_'The stone room was icy cold, the walls and floor made of black marble. Magnus stepped through the ancient doorway, which creaked as it swung shut behind him with a slam. He spun to face the wall behind him by the door had gone, he ran a glittered hand along the hard cold wall: the door had disappeared! There was no escape! The room was filled with too many shadows, too many lurking dangers; he had to move, it wasn't safe here. He set off at a run down the marble corridor, his eyes scanning the room for any sign of an incoming attack. There was a door at the end of the room. ___

_Magnus skidded to a halt in front of the door, yanking brutally on the handle. It didn't budge. He was trapped! "Magnus." A voice in the shadows whispered. Magnus's steady heart rate sped as he rattled the round door handle, again to no avail. __**'Come on! Come on! Please!' **__He screamed internally as blue sparks shot from his fingertips to the lock; he twisted the door handle again… nothing. He sighed frustratedly banging his head on the wooden door, hard. "The room is spell-proofed. Your magic won't work here." The voice called again followed by another whisper of his name. This time he turned to spot Jace and Isabelle stood behind him, both of them were coated in crimson blood. "Help me. Please?" He asked. Isabelle shook her head, "We can't Magnus." She said. __  
__"Can you at least open the door?" Magnus asked, looking beseechingly at Jace this time. He, too, shook his head. _

_Magnus threw his arms up in the air in frustration, "Shadowhunters!" He cried, yanking - and even kicking - at the door but it still didn't budge. "You should be glad that door doesn't open," Isabelle said, "you haven't seen what we have." Magnus ignored her, yanking and shooting more sparks at the door to no avail. Suddenly an overwhelming sense of dread filled his soul, although he couldn't understand why, as Jace said, "Do you really want to see him?" He pushed past Magnus, leaving a bloodstained handprint on Magnus's shoulder as he stood in front of the door scrawling a rune, Jace glanced once over his shoulder at Magnus before swinging the door open and stepped back. _

_Magnus ran forward into the room followed by Jace and Isabelle but he instantly regretted his decision. The room was an exact replica of Alec's bedroom at the Institute with the photos of Magnus and Alec on the wall, and one of all the Lightwood family on the desk. A small pile of tattered books were resting on top of the desk and the wooden wardrobe stood open revealing tattered clothes of Alec's. There was something wrong about Alec's room - something missing, something badly wrong - Magnus looked around the room in the darkness, he couldn't make out much, not even with the light from the open door. Two witchlights flashed into bright blue lights, the same shade as Alec's eyes. Magnus's mouth dropped open. The wallpaper was torn and shredded and there were bloody handprints on the walls, blood had soaked into the floorboards Magnus's eyes landed on the figure lying deathly still on the bed. Tears were frozen in their tracks on the pale cheeks it was only when Magnus looked at the inky black hair did Magnus recognise the figure. _

_He fell to his knees, tears pricking his eyes. "Alec." He whispered. The figure was indeed Alec and he was lying completely still. Magnus slid slowly towards him; placed two fingers on Alec's pale bloodied wrist. There was no pulse. "Alec hates himself. His whole existence and it's your fault. They're just battle scars." Jace whispered in Magnus's ear. __  
__"You did this to him." Isabelle whispered. Tears rolled down Magnus's cheeks, smearing makeup but Magnus didn't care. __**'I did this.' **__Magnus thought. "Alec I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered, clutching Alec's pale cold hand in his warm one. He didn't even look back as Jace and Isabelle ran forward with shinning Seraph blades drawn…'_

Magnus woke with a strangled yell, Chairman Meow glanced up where he was perched on top of Magnus's chest. Magnus was drenched in a cold sweat and he rubbed his eyes trying to rid the image of Alec from his memory. "It was just a dream." He whispered, "Just. A. Dream."

*****

"Alec?" Isabelle said, knocking on her brother's bedroom door, "Come on Alec, open the door. You have to eat at some point!" She knocked again almost dropping the tray in annoyance. She went to knock again but this time the door opened and she was stood in front of Jace. She glanced over Jace's shoulder trying to see her brother, when she spotted him sat on the windowsill she glanced over at Jace. He shook his head answering her unspoken question. She smiled sadly. **_'Hearts are made of glass and the shards definitely cut you when they break.'_** She thought as she side-stepped Jace and moved to stand beside Alec. "Don't give me that look Iz." Alec said not turning his face away from the window.  
"What look?" She asked, placing the tray down on the windowsill in front of Alec, he didn't touch it.

"The look that says: _My brother is dying inside and I can't save him._" He said, "Besides I told you before, you can't save me from this, it's like being hurt by a million tiny invisible papercuts everyday. You can't help me."  
"Alec, we only want to help." Jace said.  
"You can't." Alec sighed, "You can't stop the memories. No one can." Alec turned his face to stare at his siblings, "Don't look so horrified. I'll be fine." Isabelle shook her head and grabbed her brother in a hug, Alec was shocked at first but eventually he hugged her back. Jace stared at Alec, unmoving, Alec glanced at him. "I'm not hugging you," Jace said, "don't look at me like that. Hugs are a girl thing."  
"Yet you didn't mind a few days ago." Alec smiled, a ghost of a smile one that Jace took to mean: _I'm not happy, but I'll attempt to make myself look fine. _He smiled back before reaching across and hugging his Parabatai. "Everyone loves hugs." Jace muttered as Alec laughed.


End file.
